Advent Calendar - December 24th.

24 - The Game (PS2)

Legend has it that a survey taken showed that, in the event of a terrorist attack, a high percentage of US citizens believed that Jack Bauer would save them. They should have re-worded it, replacing "US citizens" with "stupid people". Let's face it, you could conduct similar surveys in any country in the Western world and, if you asked the "right" demographic, would get a similar response. But it's a measure of the success of the TV show 24, that his would be the first name to spring to mind. A game based on the show was, therefore, inevitable.


Man, I hate getting up this early.

Oddly enough, considering I lived in the US between 2000 and 2005, barring trailers I've never seen a single minute of 24. It was massively hyped over there, and incredibly popular. And I'm led to believe it's a fine television show. But I missed the first one when it was broadcast, and then the second one had been on before I'd had a chance to see the first one, and so on, and so on. And so it seemed pointless watching any after that. And when the second season came on, it seemed pointless watching it having not seen the first. So there you go. I know what it's about, I know who's in it... but I've never seen it.


Someone had to pay... you'll do.

I don't know if that was a help or a hindrance when playing the game. I mean, this is mostly fan service, I would guess. If you're a fan of the show, it's probably awesome to play at being in Jack Bauer's shoes. It'll be great to be interacting with all your favourite (or least favourite) characters. I went into it totally fresh, though... maybe that was for the best. Too often games are crushed by the weight of expectation.

As far as game versions of an established entertainment medium go, 24: The Game actually seems really good. It's fast-paced, although whether that's in keeping with a TV show that needs to build suspense, I'm not sure. The graphics, for a PS2, are really quite good. There are good likenesses of the main characters (Kiefer Sutherland was instantly recognisable, if a little Kevin Bacon-ish at times, and I checked out a few of the others), and the voice acting is as good as you'd expect.


Well, there goes my no-claims bonus.

For all it succeeds with its presentation though, the gameplay itself doesn't match that. Luckily, it isn't awful. Well, sometimes it gets close, but generally it plays pretty well. The opening level, which also serves as a tutorial, see you as Jack Bauer storming a cargo ship that has been hijacked by terrorists to ship a ricin bomb. Although it's not terribly difficult, it's presented in such a way that it really ramps up the tension and you feel as though you have to get a move on at all times or disaster will ensue.


Do you know who blew up my car? Talk, and you'll live.

It's not all quite like that, though. There are some strange mini-games... the bomb defusal game you get on completion of the first level is a bit rubbish, for instance. And later on, there are some rubbish driving bits that the game could really have done without. I suppose they needed filler content though... it's difficult to maintain a story like this over the full length of a game.


This is actually a really interesting and effective way of moving the story.

Still, the story is interesting enough to mean I can overlook those things. And I appreciated that the game doesn't focus entirely on Jack Bauer... occasional levels see you playing as other characters, which fleshes things out considerably for the non-afficionado such as myself. I'd really like to see a 24 game on the current systems, but I suppose that ship sailed a good while ago. But for now, I'm gripped enough by this one to want to see it through to the end.

Advent Calendar - December 18th

Firefighter F.D. 18 (PS2)

This was a brave move from Konami. I don't mean in terms of the game's scenario... video games live or die on their heroes and villains, and you'd be hard pressed to find anyone more heroic than firefighters. No, I mean in the choice to actually make a game that's filled with fire. What were they thinking? In a world where so many people seem to prefer graphics over gameplay, with fire being so notoriously difficult to recreate, that was almost commercial suicide!

Firefighter F.D. 18 is, apparently, heavily influenced by Backdraft, which is a film I've never seen. Having read up on it, I see that the fire engine in that film is Engine 17, so I wonder if Konami saw this as a kind of video game sequel?


Wonder if real firefighters get trained like this?

The game starts off with a massive fire in a tunnel, and people are trapped. Naturally, you want to rescue them all. You have to fight your way through the tunnel, putting out fires strategically so that you can reach everybody in time. It's impossible to extinguish all the fire, so really you're clearing a route for yourself, whilst avoiding injury as much as possible.

Fires are dangerous enough in themselves, but they cause other problems as well. As you're moving through the tunnel, cars explode and rubble drops from the ceiling. This can have a couple of effects... obviously, you could get injured, but your path to survivors can be blocked at any time by any of these obstacles, meaning you might have to find another way around. Fortunately, you have the world's longest fire hose at your disposal, so it doesn't matter how far you travel, you never run out of water. And you have your axe, so certain obstacles can be overcome.


If you're strong you will survive, you'll feel the fire, burning on forever more.

One obstacle that can't be overcome is the terribly cheesy dialogue and voice acting. Right from the start, where there's a novice, over-eager female reporter covering the fire, we're in bad script and cheap actor hell. Just to give you an example, here's some actual dialogue from when you rescue the last survivor at the end of level one:

"Oh my God, it's Blackwell!"
"Do you know him?"
"He's an upcoming senator, young and prominent! Didn't you see him on TV?"

It's a bit crap, but luckily, although the game is story-based, you don't have to put up with the chatter too much. The biggest problem really is that the gameplay is repetitive. Stroll around, out out some fire, rescue a useless incapable survivor, rinse, repeat. They've thrown in interesting elements to try and help with that... smoke lessens visibilty, so you have to crouch and get around, for example. And there are actually boss fights, with each end-of-level having a particularly vicious fire to tackle. Cleverly, they've portrayed them as monsters... not in terms of how they look, but they roar and spew out fireballs and the like... it's pretty well done.


Mmmmmm, this one's got a smashing orangey bit.

Firefighter F.D. 18 is an interesting game. If you break it down and think about it, it's actually a twin-stick shooting game, but it's different to almost anything else you've played. It can get pretty intense, especially when a survivor's health bar is draining and you're struggling to get through to them. That extra human element really adds weight to proceedings. It's a shame in a way that the repetitive nature of the game overshadows things to a degree, but if you keep sessions limited to fairly short bursts, Firefighter F.D. 18 could be a very welcome addition to your games library.

Advent Calendar - December 16th.

Mary-Kate and Ashley - Sweet 16: Licensed to Drive (PS2)

Wait a minute. Stop right there. Rub your eyes. Now look again. Yes... you are reading that right.

By way of explanation, let me outline my self-imposed rules for the Advent Calendar. As you must have guessed by now, for each date on the calendar I'm playing a game with the corresponding number in the title. Now, wherever possible, I will not play a directly numbered sequel or a game with a year in the title (such as FIFA 10). I'm also trying to avoid flight simulators... not just because I don't like them, but because once you get into the teens it's hard to find games that aren't flight simulators but that have numbers in the title. I tried finding something else for the number 16... but all I could find was reference to a Sega game called 16t, and no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't find that game.

So I was left with this.


Like, omigosh, I'm totally driving!

This game features cartoon versions of America's favourite twins, Mary-Kate and Ashley Olsen. They're really excited, because they've just turned sixteen, which means they can... get their driving licenses! Although, if they only knew, that's not why half the internet was waiting for them to turn sixteen...

There are three game modes in Licensed to Drive, although you really only need one, that one being Adventure mode... which according to the instructions "offers a diverting dreamland of driving fun". Well, doesn't that just sound peachy!

You might be disappointed to discover you don't actually do any driving. Instead, the game is played like a boardgame. Aaaahhhh... might have been better if I'd taken the hit of embarrassment and got someone else to play. When you hit X, you stop the spinning counter. The first go determines the order in which everyone plays, and the second determines how many moves you get to make. Oh, if you play a one-player game, you have to sit and watch all your computer-controlled friends tootling around the board...


If they were doing this in bikinis, like most other female American college girls, they'd have a lot more money...

Once you're actually going, you "park" on the appropriate spot for the number you've rolled. This opens up one of a number of mini-games. The first one I played, believe it or not, was a Guitar Hero clone... where you decorate cupcakes. Yes, as each cupcake passes by, you hit the right button at the right time to land a splodge of icing on it. Awesome.

There's a good number and variety of mini-games. Some are kind-of racing games... for instance, there's a jetski game which is a little bit like Super Sprint, or a windsurfing game where you race a friend up the screen, a bit like a reverse Toobin'. Others are dafter, like a game of tag on the beach, or a game where fans blow clothes around and you have to collect the ones that match your colour. I can't believe I've just written that.


Don't smile at me like that. It's creepy.

Obviously, as the it's the twins' birthday, there's going to be a party, so as you're driving round you have to pick up as many friends as possible. They're hanging out by the spaces you land on, so if you hit the right number your car will start to fill up.

If you happen to land on a space already occupied by a friend, then you have a one-on-one lez-off. Sorry, one-on-one battle. Just checking you were really reading. Anyway, in this mode you play a mini-game against whichever friend it is to see who wins the space on the board, with the loser being sent backwards. Simple, but in keeping with a lot of board games.


Yes. This is probably what you'd expect from this game.

There are a few mini-games that do let you get behind the wheel of a car... sort of. One is a weird Frogger-esque effort, for instance, that has you in your car "hopping" across busy roads to get to the off-ramp. Another sees the four girls driving up the screen and all you have to do is hit left or right to avoid cones and collect keys. Very simple, but I guess it's effective in its aim.

Before I even loaded up Mary-Kate and Ashley - Sweet 16: Licensed to Drive, I feared the worst and expected it to be absolute shit. And you know what? It isn't. I mean, I wouldn't recommend it to anyone here... I'm not the target audience and neither, I suspect, is anyone that reads this... but for what it is, it does the job well enough. It's pretty well polished, the mini-games are at least playable and even fun on occasions, and if you had a few eleven-year-old girls around for a sleepover, I can imagine that this would keep them reasonably well entertained for a while.

I'm shocked. But I won't be playing it again. Anyone want it? Free of charge.

Advent Calendar - December 10th.

America's 10 Most Wanted (Playstation 2)

I had this one almost written. The weather has played a bit of havoc with my calendar, with parcels that should have arrived ages ago still not being here. There's been some re-juggling, some re-playing and some re-writing, with new games being chosen, mainly as safety backups, but sometimes as replacements. The game for December 10th was going to be 10th Frame, a ten-pin bowling game by Epyx on the Commodore 64. I'd looked forward to playing that for quite some time, but I couldn't help thinking it seemed a bit of an obvious choice.

But then, on my first random shopping trip for three weeks, I spotted America's 10 Most Wanted.


Look, put that thing away. You'll have someone's eye out.

Before I say anything else, I will just mention that on the game's own website it states, quite boldly and proudly, that "In game music is provided by members of So Solid Crew who will also make guest appearances in the game.". Can you tell which direction this article's heading in?

America's 10 Most Wanted (Fugitive Hunter: War on Terror in the US) is (mostly - more on that later) a first person shooter. Now, if you know me through this blog, you're probably aware that the FPS is not my favourite type of game, but a good one will catch and hold my attention. This one... shall we say, it's not a good one.

The game starts in 1999, with you being sent into Afghanistan on a mission to fuck with Osama Bin Laden's shit. Your helicopter is shot down by a terrorist, the bastard, and you're the only one to survive, so you have to fight your way to an area where another helicopter can pick you up. This won't be easy though, because Afghanistan, in case you hadn't heard, is crawling with bad guys, and they'll stop at nothing to make sure you don't get away!


"You go first." "No, you go first."

Fortunately they're a pretty careless bunch, and they dish out weapons, armour and health like sweets. Most accommodating. It's very difficult to fail to make it to the end of the level, unless you blow yourself up. The game has a lock-on system so you really can't miss an enemy, and you'll absolutely never, ever run out of ammunition, what with all those terrorist guns lying around waiting to be picked up. And occasionally you'll find a US flag... picking this up grants you a temporary period of invincibility. Fuck, yeah!

In the first level, once you get to the end, you'll see Osama Bin Laden! Yep, he's there, waving a gun in the air and shouting abuse. And then, rather than stand there and accept justice, he runs off into a cave, leaving one of his henchmen to stand in your way. And that's when the game gets really bizarre, and is why I said this is mostly a FPS. It turns into a fighting game.


That's why we haven't wrapped this up yet. Our Boys aren't using Super Combos.

You probably don't believe me, because that doesn't make any sense. But it's true... having shot to death all his comrades, you resort to the spirit of fair play and mixed martial arts, and square off against each end level boss in a Virtua Fighter-type brawl, complete with energy bars at the top of the screen. Actually, that's unfair... to mention Virtua Fighter is to imply there's a level of quality here. There isn't... your moves are; left punch, right punch, kick, block. Mash the buttons and run away occasionally, and you'll win, at which point you have ten seconds to hit the X button fast enough to subdue and capture the guy. It really is that mental.


Is that... a ninja? Oh well, no matter... DIIIIIIEEEE!!!

If you beat the guy at the end of the first level, you... run to the waiting helicopter. No matter that Bin Laden was there just two minutes ago and can't have got far... you're off. So because this is 1999, the World Trade Center attacks are YOUR FAULT. If only you'd gone after him when you had the chance...

Because you let him escape, you have to capture America's 10 Most Wanted fugitives before you're allowed to go after him again... I'm sure some of them are made up, but the one before Bin Laden is Saddam Hussein... I know he was a real guy. Anyway, you start off in Miami. Actually, no you don't, you start off in a shit-looking generic city. Your first couple of fugitives are holed up there, and from then there's no stopping you, baby! You'll take in such terrorist hotbeds as Paris, the Caribbean and, umm... Utah.


You have to take this guy down. You don't know what he's hiding in his cardboard pants.

As if the whole premise wasn't offensive enough, you actually get points for kills, and bonuses for headshots, “Splats” (close-up shots or messy grenade/rocket deaths), and so on. So they've turned global terrorism into a high score battle. There was one moment where a guy said he'd give me the key to the warehouse where a fugitive was hiding, if I paid him instead of shooting him. My guy just said, “Here's some cash. Now get outta here”, at which point the cutscene ended. But instead of getting outta there, the bloke just stood, rooted to the spot, while I emptied my shotgun into his stupid face over and over again, racking up the Splat points.


Sneaky, these terrorists. Absolutely anybody could be one.

What else? As you'd expect, the music is shit. Some of the lyrics to one song, playing as you're running around Miami, go, "It's America's Most Wanted, baby. Osama Bin Laden, you're next". Now, that's how to set an atmosphere.

There's some choice dialogue in the game, too. If you can imagine Duke Nukem without the irony, you'd be on the right track. Mostly, your dumb guy pretty much states the obvious about what he picks up. But I'm not entirely sure how many soldiers or special operatives would, whilst using a flame thrower in the general direction of the enemy, shout "Time to torch you up". Doesn't seem like something you'd say in the heat of the moment (did you see what I did there?). Pull off a headshot, you might say "See ya". Or in the fighting bit, you might come out with "How's your ribs?" I don't know if it's an attempt at James Bond-style humour, but it really doesn't work.


Simon Cowell decided that Bin Laden wouldn't make it past judges' houses.

America's 10 Most Wanted is a shocking game in every respect. I mean, it's a really poor game in terms of quality, and if it's trying to make a statement or offer American teens some kind of revenge or closure, then it's horribly misguided at best. If they'd gone for all-out satire in a World Police-type affair, it might have been better thought of. Instead it's a waste of money in every aspect, unless you want one last ditch try at getting rid of a case of lockjaw.

Number 9.

The Red Star (PS2)

If ever a game deserved a bigger audience, it's this one. Having survived the sort of development hell that would usually see a game brutally killed off after most of the hard work had been done, The Red Star battled its way into the shops to glowing reviews and, seemingly, not much else. Well, have YOU played it? Not many have, which is a real shame.

I've bought this twice... the first copy, I traded in (sealed) at Gamestation and was gutted to see they'd given me a quid for it. What a waste. I did, though, manage to pick it up again at Game for £2.98, which is excellent value and I'm not getting rid of it this time.

Here's what I originally thought of The Red Star...


I'll draw his fire, and you blast him. Oh, wait...

Based on a graphic novel (no, I haven't read it), it's a really imaginitive shoot 'em up, with elements of Alien Syndrome, Smash TV, Contra, bullet hell shooters and a few other games thrown in for good measure. It takes those games, ramps them all up to eleven, throws in some thrilling setpieces and surprises, and really makes you want to keep playing, not just to see what it'll throw at you next, but also because you're enjoying it so much.


This just reminds me of how much Ikaruga kicks my arse.

Playing it again has given me an even greater appreciation of the game. And there's some possible good news... it's been released on the PSP, and it seems that an iPhone/iPod Touch version is in the works with a release imminent. I hope they do a good job, because the game deserves more exposure, and more love. Oh, and there are three instalments of the graphic novel on the App Store right now... for free. Just search for The Red Star.

I'm really glad I spent that three quid at Game to get The Red Star for a second time... it's a fantastic shoot 'em up that's more than just that, and gives a guaranteed great time. I would still highly recommend you get this, if you have a machine that will play it. It's hugely deserving of its number nine spot on my list.

Yakuza (PS2)

Cash Converters comes up trumps again! Although I'd heard of the Yakuza series, I really knew nothing about it, other than it was popular and pretty highly regarded. I had no clue about the gameplay, or anything. But it was £1.99. Perfect blog fodder, so I snapped it up.


If I'd known this was a golf game, I mightn't have bothered.

Yakuza puts you right in the heart of the Japanese underworld... in fact, it puts you in the shoes of an enforcer, with aspirations of starting his own "family". Trusted and respected by bosses, and with money, you're in prime position to go it on your own. Until your girlfriend is kidnapped, that is... and a chain of events is set in place that leads to you taking the rap for the murder of your own family's boss.

The first section of a game sees you playing this scenario out, and it serves to get you really involved in the story, as well as being a deent tutorial. You'll learn how to beat up large groups of thugs, which is what the majority of this game is about.


Just the seven of you? You couldn't make it more difficult than that?

The combat system is fairly straightforward. Punches are the order of the day... you can string together some pretty vicious combinations that will leave most thugs struggling to breathe. You're also able to put some other moves in there... a throw can scatter a few guys at once, while a suitably subdued bad guy can be slammed against a wall for maximum damage. And if all else fails, you can reach for the nearest chair or blunt instrument and beat the crap out of them with that.

Once you get out of jail, ten years later (game time, naturally!), the game becomes a more open-world affair. So when you're not on a mission, you have some freedom to explore. In doing so, you'll find a range of mini-games, which involve some daft games or (of course) more fights. Wandering the city is fun, as it's based on a real area of Tokyo. Pity, then, that it's often rendered Resident Evil-style, with fixed-camera views making you hobble around in a confused fashion.


This is what you get for fucking around with Yakuza! Go home to your mother!

Other than that, though, I found Yakuza an interesting and involved game. The gameplay itself is not especially stunning and in fact gets a bit repetitive, but the storyline and setting were enough to get me hooked. I can easily see why the series is up to a fourth game... it's not a world we generally have much access to, and it's sufficiently different to Grand Theft Auto to make it worth sticking with.