OK, as giveaways go, this one is pretty epic. Seven Grand Theft Autos? How much game is that? Enough to last you until next Christmas, if you're so inclined...
So, what the fuck is in this fucking Grand Theft Fucking Auto giveaway, then? Here's what you can win:
You'll never catch me, coppers! Oh, wait...
Grand Theft Auto (the first one ever!).
Grand Theft Auto 2.
Grand Theft Auto III.
Grand Theft Auto: Vice City.
Grand Theft Auto: San Andreas.
Grand Theft Auto IV.
Grand Theft Auto: Episodes from Liberty City (GTA IV add-on comprising of The Lost & The Damned and The Ballad of Gay Tony).
See how fucking nice I am? Giving someone all that lot? That's not just a pile of fucking videogames, it's a fucking history lesson. And for nothing, too. Well, almost nothing... all it costs is a bit of spamming of this blog, somewhere on that there internet, and a post in the comments telling me where you've posted it. Easy. Oh, and you'll need Steam, too.
You're looking very earnest there. What?
I haven't played a lot of Grand Theft Auto, myself. I played the first one when it came out... I enjoyed the APB-style viewpoint, but I can't say I ever played it properly, instead finding great delight in just running people over. After that, I never really saw the appeal. I left GTA2 alone altogether. GTAIII, I bought on the PC. I did have a reasonable go at that, enjoying the free-roaming aspect of the city and the amusing radio stations.
Then came the real game-changer... Grand Theft Auto: Vice City. Seller of eleventy-billion copies, everyone's played it. Except me... I rented it from Blockbuster when I lived in the States, but the disc was scratched, and I only got five minutes into the game. They didn't have any more copies in when I took it back, and I've never bothered with it since. Sacrilege!
I'll be honest, I have no idea what's going on here. But I like it.
Not only that, but I've never played San Andreas at all. I think just about every friend I have has raved about it, but it's never appealed to me at all. Someone's going to have to try and talk me into it at some point, but nothing about that game grabs me. I'm really selling this giveaway, aren't I?
When GTA IV came out, I took the day off work. I got an early bus to town, stood outside Woolworths with a couple of other likely fellows, and bought it as soon as the shop opened. I savoured the opening sequence, took time to familiarise myself with the controls and the city, sat in my apartment watching the telly (hilarious stuff).
I love a bit of California Games...
Once I started to actually play, I did really enjoy it... it was worth taking the day off for. Until the point where I missed a mission trigger, that is. Then, I spent three hours wandering around with nothing happening. And you know what? Those three hours killed the game for me. Once I realised what had happened, my enthusiasm for the game had gone, and it didn't come back. What a shame.
Still, it's an epic, alright. And with two highly-rated add-on packs coming with it (highly-rated by one of my mates, anyway... he loved them), there's a ton of gaming to be had. I actually own those add-ons on the 360... I do feel like getting back into GTA IV.
Shefki Kuqi was growing increasingly frustrated at his lack of first-team opportunities.
I can't imagine there are many people out there that don't own at least one Grand Theft Auto game. So the chances are that if you enter this giveaway, you're going to be duplicating something. Not to worry though... when you're getting it gratis, that's a nice problem to have. Want a shot at winning? Just post a link to this blog entry somewhere, then post in the comments, letting me know where. Make sure it's a gaming-related place where you plug it though (or Twitter)... there's not much point putting it on Alan Titchmarsh's forum. Cheers, and good luck!