Creatures 2: Torture Trouble (Commodore 64)

Creatures was a huge hit for Thalamus, getting pretty much universal praise. It was almost a given, then that it would spawn a sequel. What wasn't a given was the form it would take. The Rowlands brothers stripped back their original game and took a look at what worked best. And what worked best were the torture screens.

As you'll remember from the first game, the torture screens popped up occasionally throughout the game, once you'd gone far enough. In them, you had to solve a platforming puzzle in order to free your friend from a gruesome death. They were twisted, imaginative and funny. A whole game based around them is a great idea.

I've got a bit of a problem, though. The only working version I've got is an uncracked .tap file, which means that for the purposes of this write-up I've had to rely on my gameplaying skill.


Shoot that BASTAAARD there, jump up and kill that other BASTAAARD, then go down and GRAAAAAARRRRGHHHH!!

Turns out, I haven't got any.

I must have played the first screen over a hundred times (no, I'm not exaggerating), and I just can't do it. Twice, I've managed to get to the critter on the bike and cut him loose, only to be flattened by him. The other times, I've usually been killed by that bastard green thing. I keep getting my timing wrong, and the collision detection is accurate but very harsh.

So, Creatures 2: Torture Trouble. Great idea, and I'm sure it's very funny once you make progress. I'm just really frustrated with it, and I can't play it any more. If I can figure it out or if anyone can give me any tips, I might revisit it, but for now I'm done. Sorry.

Creatures (Commodore 64)

Right, from this point on we can say I haven't played any of the remaining Thalamus games on the Commodore 64. That might sound a bit like sacrilege... the Creatures games are very highly regarded, after all. But I've only ever dabbled with those two on emulators, and only for a few minutes. I didn't have the patience to stick with them, for all the praise they received in their day. I haven't really got much choice now!


I knew I shouldn't have had those extra hot chillies on my pizza...

Creatures is a platform game, with cute and cuddly characters being the order of the day. That makes the storyline all the more surprising when you read it... a race of creatures from the planet Blot have left their planet in search of hipness. They have renamed themselves Fuzzy Wuzzies (know nothing about being hip, this lot), but before they could find a place of their own, they crashed on Earth. Luckily they ended up on an almost-deserted island, which they renamed The Hippest Place In The Known Universe.


Nice day for a balloon ride. Let's blow him out of the sky.

Pity, then, that the only other inhabitants of the island were demons who, having been annoyed by the Fuzzies' presence invited them to a party, then promptly captured them and whisked them away to be tortured. The only one to escape this fate was one Clyde Radcliffe (see? Not hip), who was throwing up in the bushes when the capturing took place, and so it is he, under your guidance, who must embark upon the quest to free his brethren...


Clyde Radcliffe, intergalactic jet-setter and playboy.

There's a premise for you. And with that, off you go, traipsing through a very pretty and colourful world, hoping to locate and free your fellow Fuzzies. Clyde starts the game with the ability to spit arcing fireballs at anything in his path, and if they prove to be ineffective, he has a short-burst flamethrower that he can breathe at the demon enemies, which will usually cause them to explode after a while.


It might be dark in here, but there's an extra life to help...

That sounds like a fine array of weaponry as it is, but if you should get far enough into the game you'll encounter a fine-looking witch who will be all too keen to sell you an assortment of upgraded, more powerful armaments, which should be enough to see off any demon that dare stand in your way. There's a catch, though; the witch doesn't give these away for free. You'll have to collect as many of the special flashing creatures that you can find throughout the world. These can then be used to mix the potions you'll need for your nice, new destructive toys.


Why, yes there is, as it happens. Pity I don't seem to be in the mood...

Eventually, having battled past shedloads of cute little critters, you'll find one of your stricken friends. Hurrah! Unfortunately, they'll be on the wrong end of a fearsome torture device. Boo! And in true Penelope Pitstop fashion, your friend is not immediately executed in front of your eyes... the demos will at least give you a sporting chance to rescue the beleaguered Fuzzy. Should you fail to get there in time, though, then a terrible fate awaits...


Now, what the hell is going on here?

I found Creatures to be a little bit of an odd game. The main game plays quite ponderously, with Clyde being a little bit on the slow side, and this being compounded by the size of the levels. They're huge, and can take ages to get through. Luckily the gameplay is decent, but if I'm being honest, I didn't find it that spectacular or markedly above any of the Commodore 64's better platformers.


Yes, hurry! The poor thing is probably afraid of heights, or something.

The torture screens, on the other hand, are twisted, sick and very funny. They're also pretty difficult to figure out, at least for one who appears to have lost his 8-bit gaming ability. That's the good thing, though... even if you're not able to figure them out, you can have a good laugh at the horrific end that befalls your Fuzzy friend.


Ah. Too late. Looks like he was worried for a good reason, after all.

Creatures, for me, is a game of two halves. I can certainly see why it was so highly rated back in the day... it's extremely polished, as you'd expect of a Thalamus release, and you get a huge amount of game. The main core of the game, trudging through the level to get to your friend, looks lovely, and even the bad guys are really cute and endearing. It's a shame that I didn't find the gameplay as endearing, though... a bit of extra speed in Clyde's steps would certainly have helped. It's the lure of seeing the torture screens that keeps you playing. They're the real works of genius here, and elevate a game that I found relatively average into something pretty special.

Retrograde (Commodore 64)

Now I'm really moving into uncharted territory. At this point, Thalamus' games were released when I had other interests... most weeknights I was at my friend's house, playing on his Amiga; on Tuesdays I played for one of the local pub's darts teams; and of course, weekends were spent on pub crawls. Yep... I'd hit 18, and the Commodore 64 was losing some of its lustre at last.


Bloody aliens... they all look alike, to me.

I did have Retrograde, as it happens... but it was buried at the back end of a C90, and I couldn't be bothered with trawling through the tape to play it. So I think had maybe one go, and then moved on to something else, never to return. That means I'm coming into it now with relatively fresh eyes.


Hey, how come he gets a cool speeder bike? Not fair!

Retrograde is a two-way horizontally scrolling shoot 'em up. To being with, it'll leave you reeling. The screen is filled with fast moving enemies of different types, and you're something of a bystander as bullets and ships whizz about your head at dizzying speeds while you have little clue as to what the hell is going on.


Oooh, guns, guns, guns! They won't know what's hit them once I'm spent up.

Once you've taken stock of the situation, you can at least think about flying around amongst the mayhem, and maybe taking a pop at an enemy or two while you're at it. I say "maybe"... you're very under-equipped for the job at hand to begin with, having just one forward-firing weapon at your disposal. It's nowhere near enough, given the sheer speed and number of enemies. Fortunately, most of them drop currency when destroyed, and you can take this to the local shop and spend it on upgrades.


That ground soldier's about to get a faceful of fist.

This is where the real fun begins. Your suit features sixteen upgrade points, and depending on what level you're on and how much money you've got, you can bolt on an array of weaponry to turn you from weedy flying soldier to rock-hard space marine. If you can survive long enough to gather the cash (not necessarily a given), your life will become a lot easier. A player firing in eight directions at multi-upgraded power is a sight to behold, and the more powerful you get the more cash you can rake in for further upgrades.


Come and have a go, if you think you're hard enough.

There's a downside to this... call it strategy, if you will. Although you have sixteen upgrade points, you're limited to the number that can be occupied, depending on which weapons you want to own. So you're going to need to use some trial-and-error to see which ones work best for you. Chances are you're going to have to sell some of your lower-level weapons as you progress, so that you can try out the new stuff.


Glad I don't have to deal with those two...

Just in case you were worried that all that blasting would get boring, there's another side to Retrograde. In order to progress through the levels, you'll have to spend a bit of time on foot. As well as landing to visit the shop, there's a need to say hello to the planetside aliens with your fists. Eventually you'll be able to purchase the Planet Buster, which opens a door that leads underground. All you need to do is fight your way down to the bottom. Easy.


With great power comes great responsibility... or lots of dead aliens.

Beat enough of the underground levels and you'll come up against the planet's boss... a huge, Armalyte-esque effort that will take all your upgraded weaponry just to make a dent. They also take a fair amount of time to destroy... time that will see their attacks eat away at your precious energy... and lives.


There's nothing like a day in the country. Wonder if the shop sells ice cream?

I must admit, I found Retrograde to be a pleasant surprise. If I could compare it with anything, I suppose the closest would be Forgotten Worlds, but it has a lot of its own elements too. At first it was frantic and overwhelming, but once I got into it and things settled down, it became a lot easier to play, and once my weaponry started accumulating I had that joyful feeling of being a supreme Death Dealer. It may become a little repetitive in time, even with the two different game elements, but Retrograde appeases an itchy trigger finger with some ease.